A couple of weeks back I nearly got a panic attack as I was surfing through my old blog and reading about Iffah at 11 months. There were a lot of things I wrote about her in terms of her developmental milestones ..words she understood, her likes and dislikes and all, gosh it was all so detailed... I looked at my adorable Akif and I realise I cannot do a similar "personal profile" because I haven't really observed much. I don't even know what his favourite activities are. It has been more of going through the motions and routines.
I have ingrained so much of the "boys usually speak later, boys are usually more active and not so focussed, boys are harder to toilet train, boys this boys that, " maybe I have set too low an expectation, so much so that I seem to be at peace even if Akif morphs into a laidback mat.
When Akif was 9 months, I was telling him to do many things ... Akif, clap !! Akif, arms up !! Arms up !! Smile Smile !! Wave your arms , Akif ! And to all he just responded with a bye bye. But because he was my cute and handsome boy, he was forgiven. ( Boys do get away with many things )
Anyway, he is turning one next Tuesday ! Yikes ! Everyday I keep telling myself I must do more for his intellectual development, and I would start off quite well in the morning singing during his bathtime and chatting with him and all but as the day goes by, I find myself just flipping magazines as he plays with his toys or merely hovering around him to ensure that he doesn't fall. Most of the time, I am thankful that his older sister is around to play and entertain him cos I would be running out of ideas of what to do.
Thankfully, he seems to be communicating more recently. Could do more gestures on instruction and beginning to sign more too . ( Iffah and I were deliriously happy when he signed milk about 2 weeks ago ) .. ( Iffah the perfectionist has been the one who is not too happy when Akif did not know his signs or mix up his signs and all so she was really very happy for his brother )
So, yes, I am really looking forward to celebrating his birthday next week ..and hopefully I can motivate myself to do more too ! Go Akif go !!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Inactive activism
I badly need to embark on a cause, or something to champion for. I was reading Urban a couple of weeks back and looking at the BAG page. ( I love Urban and I love the BAG page .. for the obvious reason of knowing what bags personalities use, but hmm I also love the quirky personalities featured ) And there was this Malay lady who was the head of Unifem Singapore and her job includes visiting countries such as Cambodia and Indonesia to implement a range of programmes such as imparting business know-hows and setting up crisis centres for abused women. I have always been fascinated by all these UN sounding organisations .. .. Unesco, Unifem , or by the things that personalities such as Angelina Jolie does, such as creating awareness of refugees or promoting humanitarian causes ( whether or not it is for mere publicity is a different issue altogether .. i shall not dwell into that. To be able to do such things is good enough for me )
And so suddenly what I do on a daily basis are so insignificant. I am not saying that I should start packing my bag to work for Greenpeace or raising awareness for landmine victims. It is just that I want to do a bit of social activism too, something small, yet significant.
When I was a SAHM with Iffah, and so into the whole mothering thing, I did dabble in perhaps what I could call breastfeeding advocacy. Became a la leche league and BMSG member, attended a couple of La Leche meetings, attended talks and events like setting the world record for simultaneous breastfeeding and even got the opportuntity to share my experience with new mothers at KKH ( thanks Su for that chance ) . Well, I did believe that all babies deserve the best, so I was just doing my part to share the benefits of breastfeeding. And yes, life seems to be more meaningful when you have something to champion for.
Alas, when I started teaching , my breastfeeding activism sort of died down. Time was a factor, plus I was also not very comfortable with the idea of my naive 15 year olds seeing me appearing in the papers, breastfeeding my kids . To them, breastfeeding merely equates baring boobs I suppose. Also, I felt a renewed interest in teaching ... teaching became my cause, I do not need another cause. Far more importantly, I also felt that breastfeeding was, a very much personal choice. There are so many factors at play as to why someone chose to breastfeed or not. I do not like being told what to do, so I shall not be telling others what to do.If you want to breastfeed then good for you. If not, then it is fine with me too. Since then, if anyone is interested to breastfeed, I will answer any questions or help in any way i can but even though I've breastfed for 4 years non-stop now, I am les gung ho about extolling the virtues of breastfeeding to those who feel that they can't.
So right now, I am without a cause again. Or maybe I do have many causes, just that there are no great sounding names to go with them. Oh well, till i discover what they are, I better get some sleep cos Iffah has been complaining that I am always so sleepy in the day.
And so suddenly what I do on a daily basis are so insignificant. I am not saying that I should start packing my bag to work for Greenpeace or raising awareness for landmine victims. It is just that I want to do a bit of social activism too, something small, yet significant.
When I was a SAHM with Iffah, and so into the whole mothering thing, I did dabble in perhaps what I could call breastfeeding advocacy. Became a la leche league and BMSG member, attended a couple of La Leche meetings, attended talks and events like setting the world record for simultaneous breastfeeding and even got the opportuntity to share my experience with new mothers at KKH ( thanks Su for that chance ) . Well, I did believe that all babies deserve the best, so I was just doing my part to share the benefits of breastfeeding. And yes, life seems to be more meaningful when you have something to champion for.
Alas, when I started teaching , my breastfeeding activism sort of died down. Time was a factor, plus I was also not very comfortable with the idea of my naive 15 year olds seeing me appearing in the papers, breastfeeding my kids . To them, breastfeeding merely equates baring boobs I suppose. Also, I felt a renewed interest in teaching ... teaching became my cause, I do not need another cause. Far more importantly, I also felt that breastfeeding was, a very much personal choice. There are so many factors at play as to why someone chose to breastfeed or not. I do not like being told what to do, so I shall not be telling others what to do.If you want to breastfeed then good for you. If not, then it is fine with me too. Since then, if anyone is interested to breastfeed, I will answer any questions or help in any way i can but even though I've breastfed for 4 years non-stop now, I am les gung ho about extolling the virtues of breastfeeding to those who feel that they can't.
So right now, I am without a cause again. Or maybe I do have many causes, just that there are no great sounding names to go with them. Oh well, till i discover what they are, I better get some sleep cos Iffah has been complaining that I am always so sleepy in the day.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
The irony of it all
A long time ago, I was 17 and was happily writing poems due to an unrequited crush. I was also enjoying the attention of my friends who loved the poems I wrote. After all, it expressed my innermost emotions and it ryhmed too. Until one friend commented it was quite plain. His reason ? There was no IRONY.
Since then I have resigned to the fact that I will never be a writer or a poet but it had led me to be fascinated with the idea of irony. It has become the frame in which I view or perceive the things around me, and is now my new best friend. I would just dismiss something as not good enough if there is no irony. Recently while watching the media campaign on organ donation at my parents house, my father commented that it did not evoke his emotions and it will never match those by the late Yasmin. To that , i added ..yes I agree totally and there is no irony too. Well, so the simple use of irony can make a clever discussion between a father and daughter .
Anyway, my main point is I do not fancy the idea that something or someone can be so good or so bad. But I often fall into the trap of believing that others are having it better than me, that other people's lives are so perfect. Fellow teachers whose students love them and pours out endless admiring messages in their facebook, loves every minute in the classroom and who speaks so convincingly and executes greatly too. Fellow mothers who are so proud of their children doing so well in school and getting along so well with their siblings, who can wake up early in the morning while the rest are asleep to cook and who are still immaculately dressed when they are out with three kids.
Faced with my insecurities, it is the idea of irony ( ironically ) that helps me cope. For I tell myself that irony is natural to us humans and life in this world. Describing contradictory statements or situations, irony shows that people are not perfect and develops from the realisation that life does not always measure up to promise. That makes me feel better. Especially when life ( and mothering ) are full of ironical moments.
Like how experts n books keep saying that walkers are potentially hazardous or detrimental and would delay development . So no walkers for me. Yet, everyone I know who use walkers for their kids are able to see their kids walk before their first birthday. And me, the by the book idiot waited many months after that and will probably have to wait again the second time round.
Or the love hate relationship i have with staying home. 7pm and I am so exhausted and could not take it anymore and wishing that I could just exit and my kids could take care of themselves or something. I feel like kicking myself for if i am not a SAHM then it would be easier for me to take little breaks between work and home. But at 9pm I would be singing happy songs again and feeling so thankful for being with them.
Then there was this time when my brother and his family informed all of us that they were intending to migrate to Australia ( they have since gotten their PR ) , I began to hit the panic button. Hey, didn't i plan to migrate too ..wasn't i the one who took foreign language n all ? shouldn't Tasha n I be doing something now to get out of the country. I started to franticall y look for my Nie cert in case i need to get a teaching job elsewhere. I didn't find it but coincidentally, came the holiday to Australia. Going to Europe 3 times and Australia 4 times in my younger days and loving them was not the same. Somehow the thrill and the fun was not there anymore. Reality check .. I am a mother to 2 kids and the difficulty of managing a family overseas is multiplied many times more. End of discussion. I am staying here.
And lastly, how despite wanting to stop doing the typically unsingaporean things and do more cultured things , I end up jostling with thousands of singaporean parents the previous weekend who ( possibly ) had the same aim as me- to expose their kids to arts and culture, to do as activities at the ACM's open house.
Yes, so I may be ambiguous or even contradictory. But that is ok. Life ain't perfect, but it is good. Ironic? Even better.
Since then I have resigned to the fact that I will never be a writer or a poet but it had led me to be fascinated with the idea of irony. It has become the frame in which I view or perceive the things around me, and is now my new best friend. I would just dismiss something as not good enough if there is no irony. Recently while watching the media campaign on organ donation at my parents house, my father commented that it did not evoke his emotions and it will never match those by the late Yasmin. To that , i added ..yes I agree totally and there is no irony too. Well, so the simple use of irony can make a clever discussion between a father and daughter .
Anyway, my main point is I do not fancy the idea that something or someone can be so good or so bad. But I often fall into the trap of believing that others are having it better than me, that other people's lives are so perfect. Fellow teachers whose students love them and pours out endless admiring messages in their facebook, loves every minute in the classroom and who speaks so convincingly and executes greatly too. Fellow mothers who are so proud of their children doing so well in school and getting along so well with their siblings, who can wake up early in the morning while the rest are asleep to cook and who are still immaculately dressed when they are out with three kids.
Faced with my insecurities, it is the idea of irony ( ironically ) that helps me cope. For I tell myself that irony is natural to us humans and life in this world. Describing contradictory statements or situations, irony shows that people are not perfect and develops from the realisation that life does not always measure up to promise. That makes me feel better. Especially when life ( and mothering ) are full of ironical moments.
Like how experts n books keep saying that walkers are potentially hazardous or detrimental and would delay development . So no walkers for me. Yet, everyone I know who use walkers for their kids are able to see their kids walk before their first birthday. And me, the by the book idiot waited many months after that and will probably have to wait again the second time round.
Or the love hate relationship i have with staying home. 7pm and I am so exhausted and could not take it anymore and wishing that I could just exit and my kids could take care of themselves or something. I feel like kicking myself for if i am not a SAHM then it would be easier for me to take little breaks between work and home. But at 9pm I would be singing happy songs again and feeling so thankful for being with them.
Then there was this time when my brother and his family informed all of us that they were intending to migrate to Australia ( they have since gotten their PR ) , I began to hit the panic button. Hey, didn't i plan to migrate too ..wasn't i the one who took foreign language n all ? shouldn't Tasha n I be doing something now to get out of the country. I started to franticall y look for my Nie cert in case i need to get a teaching job elsewhere. I didn't find it but coincidentally, came the holiday to Australia. Going to Europe 3 times and Australia 4 times in my younger days and loving them was not the same. Somehow the thrill and the fun was not there anymore. Reality check .. I am a mother to 2 kids and the difficulty of managing a family overseas is multiplied many times more. End of discussion. I am staying here.
And lastly, how despite wanting to stop doing the typically unsingaporean things and do more cultured things , I end up jostling with thousands of singaporean parents the previous weekend who ( possibly ) had the same aim as me- to expose their kids to arts and culture, to do as activities at the ACM's open house.
Yes, so I may be ambiguous or even contradictory. But that is ok. Life ain't perfect, but it is good. Ironic? Even better.
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