Of cavities and haircuts.

Just when we mothers thought we have encountered all sorts, every new child will always present us with new challenges to solve, new behaviours to deal with or new illnesses to treat. And the best thing is that when that happens, I can put on my sociologist and researcher hat and start on my intensive "information gathering" on the net or books of course, "interviewing" other mummies. That, I think, is truly a privilege that we mummies have. :)

Thus, when I discovered a little dot on Akif's front tooth a couple of months back to the time he finally saw the dentist on Tuesday, I had actually found out some interesting facts for myself.

1. That there are only 11 paediatric dentists in Singapore.

2. That explains why it was impossible for me to get any appointment dates this year. Dr Rashid is booked throughout and all I could I get was to be on the waiting list ( only if somebody cancels) for a date that is a month after I call.

3. The charge for a paediatric dentist starts from $90 for consultation. <>

4. Oh, and in order to fill in a toddler's tooth, the options are either General Anaesthetic of Laughing Gas ... ( The same one that we mummies use when we are giving birth? .. can't imagine using that on my poor Akif .. I remembered vomiting after I inhaled that gas . Aiks )

5. That there are conflicting arguments as to whether breastfeeding is a cause for decay. While breastmilk has something that could help prevent decay, when it is mixed with sugary stuff .. it could even have a more potent effect .. Let's say Akif just ate one chocolate cookie and then he nursed and fell asleep, that would have a more disastrous effect on him.

So anyway, I needed to make sure that I get professional advice and I decided not to go to a neighbourhood dentist.

This was especially importanat as I had just experienced a traumatic experience with Akif at the Malay barber just a couple of weeks back. He cried and struggled and wriggled and screamed, but that guy took his own sweet time and took TWENTY horrible minutes. Earlier this year, Akif still cried despite being shown Barney and given a balloon at the Parkway Parade saloon. But at least, the auntie did her job in 5 minutes and so that $20 was worth it in the sense that I endured less crying time.

Since that day, I have resolved to only go to "specialists" when it comes to Akif.

I narrowed to three Kids Friendly Dentists- not paediatric ones, but just those that are more ready to treat kids. The more popular one is at GPA United Square, and then there is Smile Inc at Forum. I decided on Smileworks at Paragon for the very selfish reason that it has been quite some time since I have been there and I have been yearning to go to Orchard Road again. ( especially when i alighted at Orchard MRT and didn't recognize Orchard Road anymore ).

The final outcome. Yes, Akif did cry and scream when we got in. That enabled the dentist to have a look at the tooth. Total cost $30 consultation and $30 for the mousse. While the dentist was nice, the place was too posh and quiet for a screaming boy I thought. The row of cubicles and the bright lights also too Science Fiction for my liking..

I would still have to do my homework before deciding on the next option when he gets his teeth filled maybe four months from now, or however long it takes before he is ready to co-operate. And that homework part, is a role that I relish :)

Enrichment Madness - Part 2

It is now February, and I am glad that Iffah has settled in well in her Kinderart class. A class did start in Pasir Ris, with 3 other girls who are all equally passionate about drawing and colouring and could spend that 1 hour focusing on their art piece . And with that, I could put a check in one of the boxes of my checklist that says : An enrichment class that Iffah likes and enjoys, which will help to further develops her skills/interest, something that is not covered in her school, something that I can' t teach myself at home. Checked.
But that does that solve all the enrichment madness ? Not yet, because there are a few more left unchecked. Like an enrichment class that she might not necessarily enjoy, but is equally important because it either teaches fundamental skills, or to improve something that she is not good at in the first place. Like

1. Madrasah / Qur'an : Nowadays kid start madrasah earlier and earlier .. and since Kidz Meadow only incorporates Iqra' and daily doas, I am like panicking a bit because I did not enrol her anywhere for this academic year. I must start deciding which class would be good/ fun ?. Al- Istighfar Mosque ? Or Cordova ?

2. Swimming .. yes she can play in the water .. but real swimming ? Should i wait until swimming enrichment classes in primary school ? Iffah is not physically inclined so getting her to go a class might be challenging .. but I don't think I can teach her myself. I can't even make her lift her legs away from the ground.

And even if i do enrol, how do I fit them in ? Morning before her school starts ? Evening ? Sunday ? Or Sat .. before/after her art class ? I am amazed at how other parents manage their time, and how are their kids so receptive to going to so many classes.

Then there is Akif. After recovering from the initial shock that one My Gym class costs around $37, I finally forced myself to go for a trial class. I sort of know what to expect as Iffah did go for one My Gym trial around the same age. ( but it was free during her time ) . So, yes, Akif could not sit and listen to instructions and cried everytime the trainer touched him. And it was also a dizzying experience for me ... as I had to run, spin carry whatever. The class serves its purpose- it was very physical and it will probably help Akif's balancing, tumbling and agility and all.

Nevertheless the English teacher in me prefer the Gymboree kind, whereby physical play is incorporated with themes , imaginative play and the teaching of concepts ( in and out, up and down ) . And I remembered that it was not too costly sending Iffah there. It was only about $26 per lesson. So at the end of the My Gym trial i told myself that Akif would probably prefer Gymboree as there are no trainers who touch him, and the set up there are more friendly to toddling babies.

I even told myself that I do not mind making my way to Tanglin mall during weekdays while Iffah is in school . But of course, it is not happy ending just yet. Last week I called to enquire and was so disappointed that the price for Gymboree has ballooned. It now costs $399 for 12 lessons so each class amounts to $33. knowing me, I would end up taking cab and back so each trip/lesson would set me back at least $60. Sigh.

So again there is the vacillation as to whether to go to My gym in Tampines or Gymboree further away or none at all. I like the idea of him in a class, with other kids, and me interacting with other mums every Thur afternoon while Iffah is in school.But seeing my money in the back getting less and less month after month , I think I will wait until July to send him to Gymboree Tanglin Mall. In the meantime I need to convince myself that it is perfectly ok not to send Akif to any gym class now. ( cos the insecure mum in me keeps telling myself that I'm either not being fair since Iffah did start Tumble tots at 13mth ..or Akif and I will lose out something somehow by not putting him in a class ..ugh )

To spree or not to spree.. the maths of it

Yesterday afternoon while Iffah was in school, I went to Parkway Parade ( my favourite shopping haunt ) and was glad to say that I did not make any purchases from Fox or Esprit or Mothercare, Pumpkin Patch, Isetan, Kiddly Palace etc .. (only bought books at Borders). Those who know me know that I usually end up splurging at PP, but I was too lazy to browse the clothes on the racks and hangers and they just looked too messy and unappealing. After all, it has been much more fun looking at items neatly arranged in grids and squares and scrolling up and down and zooming in and out.

I first joined a spree four years back to get myself a pair of Birkenstock. While it does not seem justifiable to pay more than $100 for a pair of sandals, getting one that cost around $30 less than RP seemed like a pretty good deal.

Last month, I joined a couple of spree again because of the great discounts they seem to have online. ( WARNING - from this part on, this blog entry will get really really technical )

One spree was from BabyGAP. 25 % discount for the orders above 250USD. Keen to get Iffah out from her Strawberry Shortcake T shirt and skinny leggings which has been her uniform since she turned 3, I let her chose 3 outfits.

1 Smocked dress : http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=6436&vid=1&pid=707588&scid=

2. Heart tunic top : http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=49690&vid=1&pid=707608&scid=707608002

3.Puffed sleeved T-shirt : http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=49690&vid=1&pid=707535&scid=707535082

price was 25 , 15 and 12.50 USD

With the discounts and exchange rate, the price was :52.5 x 0.75 x1.45 = $57.09

With most sprees on VPOST , the shipping is somewhat a surprise so I will know only when I get the items.In the end i had to incur a shipping of $9.88 .

After doing the maths, the items cost me around Sing Dollars, $29, $19 and $16 respectively. Still quite a good deal as the prices were cheaper than what I would usually have to pay for similar items in Fox or mothercare. Iffah loved them ( yes they were all dark pink and did not wear any of her strawberry shortcake T shirts last weekend )

But since it was on a spree organised by others, there must be some mark-up somewhere , exchange rate, as well as the shipping so I have been toying with the idea of ordering myself directly from the websites. After all, it is not too difficult to set up a Vpost account. The opportunity came when Old Navy had a free domestic shipping offer for items above 50 USD. Now that wouldn't be too difficult to achieve right ? I do not have to spend hundreds of dollars and I could save on the exchange rate, shipping and the hassle of self collection or postage. I was on the verge of ordering until today afternoon when I did some mock-up calculations based on $56 worth of spending while Akif was taking his nap.

Scenario 1
Me ordering directly
$56 x 1.43 + $ 13 ( Vpost base charge ) + $25 ( international shipping by weight ) = $118

Scenario 2
Ordering from an organised spree ( with registered postage )
$56 x1.46 ( mark-up ) x 0.9 ( organiser's member discount ) + $3.84( shared Vpost charge ) + $25 +$2.24 (reg ) + $3.05 ( mail ) = $107.7

Scenario 3
Ordering from an organised spree ( self collection )
$56 x1.46+ $3.84( shared Vpost charge ) + $25 = $110.6

So despite the mark-ups and postage fees, a spree is still more cost efficient because of the shared Vpost base charge among all the spreeists and additional discounts. The only way I can save on my own purchases is by getting friends to join in as well, in other words, be a spree organiser myself . Which mathematically, is a very tempting idea but . But for now, I will go back to checking out more sprees. FitFlop spree where are you ???

Aurora Iffah Aqila Minnie Mouse England Australia

Yestarday, Iffah threw a screaming fit for 20 minutes just as we were getting ready to go for a birthday celebration because somebody put her favourite clips in the star container instead of her favourite love boxes. Last week, just as she was getting ready to bathe and go to school, she discovered ( horrors of horrors ) that her Minnie Mouse hooded towel was hung on a purple hanger and NOT a pink hanger. And then, in the evening a few days later, I told her to bathe and left for the kitchen to heat the food. She did not check the time and undressed when she saw a watch and realised it is not 6.16 pm, ( the time that she wanted to bathe ) . Oh oh, another round of screaming and tears.

The daily meltdowns are no surprises, but what fascinates me are the source of meltdowns. Just when I thought I have covered all angles and pre-empted any possible tantrums, she will somehow manage to find something new that she is unhappy about.

The thing about her is that she is so into this favourite colour, favourite number thing and how things must go in some particular order. If I were to look at it positively, she could be described as very detailed, meticulous or systematic. On the other hand, she could also be seen as obsessively perfectionist and super fussy.

Like how her favourite number is number 6. So she would only bathe if it is 6.16 pm or 6.26 pm and so on. And how she insists that our car must be parked at a lot with the digit 6. ( If Atuk forgot on the other hand parks in a lot with number 6, she will throw a big fuss ) However, her
obsession with number 6 is so overbearing because she will be scrutinising even serial numbers ( on her ez link card, shoe boxes and packet of smoo milk ) .. If there is number 6, she will be exremely happy and if there is none ... well I have to end up weaving some story to convince her that it is ok ... or how there must be some mistake somewhere ... Sometimes I succeed, other times ... oh well ... like a few nites ago she asked me why her birthday was on 17th Feb and not 16th Feb ... Apparently my answer was not good enough ..cos she went to her room, sobbed sadly into her pillow and fell asleep.

Then there are her favourite days, Wednesday and Sundays. So on these days, she must wear her favourite colour - which is dark pink ( not light or medium but dark - close to fuschsia ) , or her favourite T-shirts, and her uniform must be size 26 . ( there is only one pair of that and 2 pairs of 24 cos really i think 24 fits her better ) . So yes, I have to ensure that these favourite clothes must be washed immediately and dried so that they are ready to be worn on her favourite days. For a few months, I was actually wearing dark pink on every Wednesdays and Sundays too but thankfully, she has finally stopped checking out and insisting that I change. Phew.

Sometimes I tell myself that her attention to details is perhaps what makes her able to read, count or draw and colour well. But I also worry that her fussiness makes her unlikeable, unfriendly and ... easily stressed. Like how she gets upset when she colour something out of the line and found that she could not erase it. Her teacher also commented that she does get panicky at times in school when she thinks she has done something wrongly. She is definitely someone who is not the happy go lucky type ... but the perfectionist with the roller coaster emotions. I worry that her tantrums will make her other family members think that she is rude and truly impossible to get along or that she might go through school without any friends and cry at every disappointments....

As of right now, I am at peace with her tantrums. And I will deal with any other problems as they come along. After all, I am the only mum she's got .. I can't get upset everytime or throw tantrums myself ... Even if she has decided that her name is Aurora Iffah Aqila Minnie Mouse England Australia .

Go Akif Go !

A couple of weeks back I nearly got a panic attack as I was surfing through my old blog and reading about Iffah at 11 months. There were a lot of things I wrote about her in terms of her developmental milestones ..words she understood, her likes and dislikes and all, gosh it was all so detailed... I looked at my adorable Akif and I realise I cannot do a similar "personal profile" because I haven't really observed much. I don't even know what his favourite activities are. It has been more of going through the motions and routines.

I have ingrained so much of the "boys usually speak later, boys are usually more active and not so focussed, boys are harder to toilet train, boys this boys that, " maybe I have set too low an expectation, so much so that I seem to be at peace even if Akif morphs into a laidback mat.

When Akif was 9 months, I was telling him to do many things ... Akif, clap !! Akif, arms up !! Arms up !! Smile Smile !! Wave your arms , Akif ! And to all he just responded with a bye bye. But because he was my cute and handsome boy, he was forgiven. ( Boys do get away with many things )

Anyway, he is turning one next Tuesday ! Yikes ! Everyday I keep telling myself I must do more for his intellectual development, and I would start off quite well in the morning singing during his bathtime and chatting with him and all but as the day goes by, I find myself just flipping magazines as he plays with his toys or merely hovering around him to ensure that he doesn't fall. Most of the time, I am thankful that his older sister is around to play and entertain him cos I would be running out of ideas of what to do.

Thankfully, he seems to be communicating more recently. Could do more gestures on instruction and beginning to sign more too . ( Iffah and I were deliriously happy when he signed milk about 2 weeks ago ) .. ( Iffah the perfectionist has been the one who is not too happy when Akif did not know his signs or mix up his signs and all so she was really very happy for his brother )

So, yes, I am really looking forward to celebrating his birthday next week ..and hopefully I can motivate myself to do more too ! Go Akif go !!

Inactive activism

I badly need to embark on a cause, or something to champion for. I was reading Urban a couple of weeks back and looking at the BAG page. ( I love Urban and I love the BAG page .. for the obvious reason of knowing what bags personalities use, but hmm I also love the quirky personalities featured ) And there was this Malay lady who was the head of Unifem Singapore and her job includes visiting countries such as Cambodia and Indonesia to implement a range of programmes such as imparting business know-hows and setting up crisis centres for abused women. I have always been fascinated by all these UN sounding organisations .. .. Unesco, Unifem , or by the things that personalities such as Angelina Jolie does, such as creating awareness of refugees or promoting humanitarian causes ( whether or not it is for mere publicity is a different issue altogether .. i shall not dwell into that. To be able to do such things is good enough for me )

And so suddenly what I do on a daily basis are so insignificant. I am not saying that I should start packing my bag to work for Greenpeace or raising awareness for landmine victims. It is just that I want to do a bit of social activism too, something small, yet significant.

When I was a SAHM with Iffah, and so into the whole mothering thing, I did dabble in perhaps what I could call breastfeeding advocacy. Became a la leche league and BMSG member, attended a couple of La Leche meetings, attended talks and events like setting the world record for simultaneous breastfeeding and even got the opportuntity to share my experience with new mothers at KKH ( thanks Su for that chance ) . Well, I did believe that all babies deserve the best, so I was just doing my part to share the benefits of breastfeeding. And yes, life seems to be more meaningful when you have something to champion for.

Alas, when I started teaching , my breastfeeding activism sort of died down. Time was a factor, plus I was also not very comfortable with the idea of my naive 15 year olds seeing me appearing in the papers, breastfeeding my kids . To them, breastfeeding merely equates baring boobs I suppose. Also, I felt a renewed interest in teaching ... teaching became my cause, I do not need another cause. Far more importantly, I also felt that breastfeeding was, a very much personal choice. There are so many factors at play as to why someone chose to breastfeed or not. I do not like being told what to do, so I shall not be telling others what to do.If you want to breastfeed then good for you. If not, then it is fine with me too. Since then, if anyone is interested to breastfeed, I will answer any questions or help in any way i can but even though I've breastfed for 4 years non-stop now, I am les gung ho about extolling the virtues of breastfeeding to those who feel that they can't.

So right now, I am without a cause again. Or maybe I do have many causes, just that there are no great sounding names to go with them. Oh well, till i discover what they are, I better get some sleep cos Iffah has been complaining that I am always so sleepy in the day.

The irony of it all

A long time ago, I was 17 and was happily writing poems due to an unrequited crush. I was also enjoying the attention of my friends who loved the poems I wrote. After all, it expressed my innermost emotions and it ryhmed too. Until one friend commented it was quite plain. His reason ? There was no IRONY.

Since then I have resigned to the fact that I will never be a writer or a poet but it had led me to be fascinated with the idea of irony. It has become the frame in which I view or perceive the things around me, and is now my new best friend. I would just dismiss something as not good enough if there is no irony. Recently while watching the media campaign on organ donation at my parents house, my father commented that it did not evoke his emotions and it will never match those by the late Yasmin. To that , i added ..yes I agree totally and there is no irony too. Well, so the simple use of irony can make a clever discussion between a father and daughter .

Anyway, my main point is I do not fancy the idea that something or someone can be so good or so bad. But I often fall into the trap of believing that others are having it better than me, that other people's lives are so perfect. Fellow teachers whose students love them and pours out endless admiring messages in their facebook, loves every minute in the classroom and who speaks so convincingly and executes greatly too. Fellow mothers who are so proud of their children doing so well in school and getting along so well with their siblings, who can wake up early in the morning while the rest are asleep to cook and who are still immaculately dressed when they are out with three kids.

Faced with my insecurities, it is the idea of irony ( ironically ) that helps me cope. For I tell myself that irony is natural to us humans and life in this world. Describing contradictory statements or situations, irony shows that people are not perfect and develops from the realisation that life does not always measure up to promise. That makes me feel better. Especially when life ( and mothering ) are full of ironical moments.

Like how experts n books keep saying that walkers are potentially hazardous or detrimental and would delay development . So no walkers for me. Yet, everyone I know who use walkers for their kids are able to see their kids walk before their first birthday. And me, the by the book idiot waited many months after that and will probably have to wait again the second time round.

Or the love hate relationship i have with staying home. 7pm and I am so exhausted and could not take it anymore and wishing that I could just exit and my kids could take care of themselves or something. I feel like kicking myself for if i am not a SAHM then it would be easier for me to take little breaks between work and home. But at 9pm I would be singing happy songs again and feeling so thankful for being with them.

Then there was this time when my brother and his family informed all of us that they were intending to migrate to Australia ( they have since gotten their PR ) , I began to hit the panic button. Hey, didn't i plan to migrate too ..wasn't i the one who took foreign language n all ? shouldn't Tasha n I be doing something now to get out of the country. I started to franticall y look for my Nie cert in case i need to get a teaching job elsewhere. I didn't find it but coincidentally, came the holiday to Australia. Going to Europe 3 times and Australia 4 times in my younger days and loving them was not the same. Somehow the thrill and the fun was not there anymore. Reality check .. I am a mother to 2 kids and the difficulty of managing a family overseas is multiplied many times more. End of discussion. I am staying here.

And lastly, how despite wanting to stop doing the typically unsingaporean things and do more cultured things , I end up jostling with thousands of singaporean parents the previous weekend who ( possibly ) had the same aim as me- to expose their kids to arts and culture, to do as activities at the ACM's open house.

Yes, so I may be ambiguous or even contradictory. But that is ok. Life ain't perfect, but it is good. Ironic? Even better.