Mothering 24/7

I must have been fooling myself to think that being a second time mother would make things super easy. In fact, I was actually lulled into complacency in the first week Akif was born. Birth was fast.Breastfeeding was easy as he latched on immediately, and when he came home, he slept peacefully in the cot. Even though nights were tiring, I had some good nights when he slept a good 3 hours each and only cried for a feed. It was completely different from Iffah who cried a lot more and was more difficult to breastfeed. So by the end of the first week, I had actually managed to go online or read every night, watch the final 2 episodes of Little Nyonya ( which i ensured Tasha recorded before we left for the hospital ) and was looking forward to 15 more weeks of such bliss.

Well, to cut the story short, the next 4 weeks were really big tests. Although I was not feeling as low as I was when I had Bell's Palsy during the first pregnancy, I must say that the tears did fall again.

Week 2 - Akif got admitted for his high jaundice and I chose to stay throughout to breastfeed. Iffah refused to leave without me so I had to go home with her late at night and sneak out again at midnight. Of course, spending 12 hours at the hospital was really stressful for a 4 year old but nobody could persuade her to go home.

After the stay, there were times she started to cry and kicked a fuss when I held and breastfeed Akif. Phrases such as " Ibu tak boleh dukung adik , I nak campak dia , I nak cubit dia, taruk dia balik" coming from the girl I once adored was too painful. At times, I even resented her. Our journey to Tanglin Mall for her Kindermusik class that week was also a waste when she woke up and threw a tantrum cos I was carrying baby. She refused to go to class and we all had to go home.

Week 3 - Once my urut was over, sent Iffah to school again after not being able to send her the past two weeks. Had to brace myself for her struggles and cries.

Week 4- Iffah had fever which lasted quite long this time. Missed school again. Her jealousy was of course escalated so I had to tend to her most of the time. There were times that I had to give Akif EBM as Iffah would not let me spend time with Akif.

Week 5 - One week of adjusting to her school. She was fine in school but crying everyday at home in the morning and evening everytime she thinks about having to go to school the next day. At the same time, I felt sick too. The flu virus was really powerful that OTC Peppermint Woods and panadol didn't help. I was having fever every other night and night times were truly exhausting.

Week 6- Akif's turn to get the cough and flu. Had to deal with his bouts of crying and vomitting. Thankfully Iffah no longer cries and actually looks forward to school.

Anyway it made me realise what maternity leave is all about. It is 4 months privilege of 24/7 mothering. When else would I get the privilege to be with my kids at their times of joy and pain? Of course, some personal time is important too but it was downright unrealistic to think that I could use my 4 months to lavish myself with spas, facials, hair treatments, long distance holidays, catching up with cooking, scrapbooking, polishing on my driving etc etc.

So yes, I have accepted the fact that trips to Orchard Road on Saturdays are no longer fun. ( Too tiring ) And Iffah is not the big sister who is mummy's little assistant in soothing her crying brother.Iffah will always be herself the girl who is talkative, bubbly and loves to kiss her little brother but will still have her tantrums and meltdowns.

8 weeks of my maternity leave have already passed. Will definitely cherish every single 24/7 moments of mothering I have left.